Ophelia was an extremely irritable baby. I struggled to bond with her properly because she was guarded my screams 95% of the time. She rarely slept and didn’t seem to stop crying, whether she was being held, in a room with people or in a quiet place such as her cot. It was difficult to know what to do with her and I was met by silly words of wisdom from various healthcare professionals who told me that ‘it was just her personality’ or that ‘as soon as the solids kick in, she will be fine and much less fussy’. Sean and I managed to navigate our way through the first 6 months of Ophelia’s life by tag teaming. We would each spend time trying to sooth Ophelia while the other one either caught up on sleep or spent time with her slightly older brother Oscar. In hindsight, we probably shouldn’t have had 2 children so close together but her brother had been pretty much a textbook baby and we thought at the time that it would be lovely for him to have a little play buddy. I had always wanted to have a big family and there was nothing at this point that implied I wouldn’t still go ahead and have the 4 children and 2 dogs I had always dreamed of .
The crying continues…
We finally started weaning Ophelia at about 5/6 months and guess what? THE CRYING DIDN’T STOP! We actually came to live with the crying and began to go into auto-pilot. It was only when family members and friends started to comment on how clingy and teary Ophelia was that we would stand back and think about it but considering I had actively sought the support from various healthcare professionals and they didn’t seem to care or think there was a problem, I thought that she would grow out of it. We found it difficult to visit family because Ophelia would lay and cry. We tried soothing her in many different ways. Sean and I are passionate about peaceful parenting and do not agree with shouting at or being intimidating towards children but there were times when we were at our wits end and we couldn’t take the crying anymore. It was at these times that we either took over from each other or managed to get family to help in order to give us a break. Our lives were ruled by our screaming child who never seemed to be happy. Little did I know that this was a pre-cursor of what life had in store for us.
Back to work for a break
When Ophelia was the age of 1, I decided that I needed to go back to work to regain some sanity. I love teaching and although it can be quite stressful, it is nothing compared to the stress of a baby constantly screaming in your ear. I hoped that Ophelia would just grow out of it. We were fortunate to have Sean’s sister who nannied for us so I knew Ophelia would be with family and that she would have her creature comforts around her. The crying didn’t stop but it wasn’t so bad because I wasn’t having to hear is 24/7. Ophelia still wasn’t sleeping well at night but I could handle it better because I wasn’t having to hear her crying all through the day. Her crying actually started to bring on my own anxiety and I used to feel my tummy go into a knot when she started at the beginning of the day. I consulted my doctor once again but there was so help available. We just had to get through it the best that we could and live in hope that she would settle and realise that life wasn’t so bad after all.
Nursery – take one
Sean’s sister looked after the children for a year (just 3 days a week) while I was back at work but then I thought that perhaps the nursery environment would be better for both Oscar and Ophelia because there would be more to do and they might be more stimulated. Ophelia hated nursery. She spent a lot of her time crying – so they told me. Ophelia was there for 1 year on a part time basis. I decided to move her because I worried that perhaps it was more of a setting issue. We chose a beautiful little nursery that was out in the country and it seemed to be a little less rigid. She began her new nursery and everything seemed find until we were called in for a meeting after she had been there for a whole year. This is when we should have realised that there was a deeper issue going on.
Nursery – take 2!
Sean and I were summoned into a room to be told that the ladies are nursery were worried about the behaviours Ophelia had been displaying over the past year! I was really upset and cross tat no one had brought it to my attention before because Sean and I had been led to believe that everything was OK. Ophelia didn’t like going to nursery but I thought that was normal because what other 4 year old wouldn’t rather be snuggled up at home?! I used to basically tell Ophelia that she had to get on with it because it was a part of life and because I wasn’t aware of what was going on, I has no reason to think that there was a big problem brewing. Within the meeting, we were informed that Ophelia found it difficult to hear the word no, would stand on tables regularly, hurt the other children, attack the other adults and was deliberately defiant. They were worried that she wouldn’t cope in school in a years time. I was in shock. Since about the age of 3.5years, Ophelia had been using her words much more and was becoming so much better at home. She wasn’t crying about anything and everything anymore and Sean and I both noticed the improvement. Upon hearing this information, I initially went down the route of saying that they needed to be firmer with her but it was soon to be clear that this only triggered Ophelia even more. I was shocked at what I was hearing and was disappointed that we hadn’t been informed sooner. We put an action plan into place, which involved a reduced timetable (I cut my hours at work/family offered to help more), a sticker chart and a time-out station for any unwanted behaviour. I left the room feeling hopeful that her behaviour issue would be resolved.
The Secret World of Parenting a Spirited Child... 